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@Tooden @3TomatoesShort @melindrea @Dale_Poole @nellie_m @pythno @actuallyautistic my problem was noise, our first born wasn't a problem for me, he was quiet, easy going, I felt I could handle this parenting thing. Our 2nd born, she was something else, very strong willed and ear piercing screams to get what she wanted (everything). The combination of having two children exacerbated it more. Chronic, extreme overstimulation and exhaustion was a mix that almost landed me in hospital.

@stardot
Oof, yes. I wish I'd known there were options like loops ear plugs, so I could turn the noise down but still be able to know when they needed me etc. My husband has tinnitus and the noise was even worse for him than me, I think. And it's almost impossible to calm down a screaming baby when you want to scream yourself, and your nervous system is shot

@3TomatoesShort that's what scared me so much, my ability to control my visceral reaction to the source was limited. My wife had to remove me from the situation on several occasions. Sometimes the escalation from calm to massive overload took only seconds. Fortunately my reactions were not physical but I would end up screaming at everyone to go away while holding my ears and closing my eyes. It scared my kids and I hate myself for that. It is better now but takes constant vigilance.

@stardot @3TomatoesShort Are you going to therapy, taking medications? I had several meltdowns (at first it was thought that I am just aggressive) over the last years. I cannot control myself anymore during it and even forget what has happened. Afterwards I'd crash for a few hours. My therapist explained what it is. So I now can "feel" when a meltdown is near and can take action. Medication helps a bit, too. Maybe it could help you as well? I understand the situation with having a family as I