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@Tooden @3TomatoesShort @melindrea @Dale_Poole @nellie_m @pythno @actuallyautistic my problem was noise, our first born wasn't a problem for me, he was quiet, easy going, I felt I could handle this parenting thing. Our 2nd born, she was something else, very strong willed and ear piercing screams to get what she wanted (everything). The combination of having two children exacerbated it more. Chronic, extreme overstimulation and exhaustion was a mix that almost landed me in hospital.
@stardot
Oof, yes. I wish I'd known there were options like loops ear plugs, so I could turn the noise down but still be able to know when they needed me etc. My husband has tinnitus and the noise was even worse for him than me, I think. And it's almost impossible to calm down a screaming baby when you want to scream yourself, and your nervous system is shot 
@3TomatoesShort that's what scared me so much, my ability to control my visceral reaction to the source was limited. My wife had to remove me from the situation on several occasions. Sometimes the escalation from calm to massive overload took only seconds. Fortunately my reactions were not physical but I would end up screaming at everyone to go away while holding my ears and closing my eyes. It scared my kids and I hate myself for that. It is better now but takes constant vigilance.
@stardot
Relatable 
It's so hard. On the bad days/nights we were just passing the baby back and forth as one of us reached breaking point, whoever was slightly less broken would take the shift :/
My chronic illness settled in after my second was born and the cause isn't clear - but I think it's quite likely my body just broke from the sleep deprivation and the constant stress and overload. I wish I'd known so much more at the start 
@3TomatoesShort Its completely reasonable that it isn't a coincidence. That much stress leaves a physical imprint. I'm not the same as I was. My sensitivity is sky high now. I can't eat in restaurants anymore. I can't drive for hours and hours anymore. If I push too hard it takes days to recover. My brain has changed and my limits with it. I can't even digest the same food now.
Antonius Marie 
@stardot @3TomatoesShort Trauma brain *is* a thing. One of the causes of chronic pain (not for me--mine's fibro and hypermobility) is that the brain learned pathways that ... well, instead of *helping* made everything worse.
You have all my sympathy.
@stardot @3TomatoesShort Are you going to therapy, taking medications? I had several meltdowns (at first it was thought that I am just aggressive) over the last years. I cannot control myself anymore during it and even forget what has happened. Afterwards I'd crash for a few hours. My therapist explained what it is. So I now can "feel" when a meltdown is near and can take action. Medication helps a bit, too. Maybe it could help you as well? I understand the situation with having a family as I
@stardot @3TomatoesShort have a daughter. Raising her by myself with MUCH help from my parents. It wouldn't be possible otherwise, I know that.
@pythno @3TomatoesShort been through CBT, but there is only so much mindfullness can do. I've been on Citalopram and Propranolol for the last 2 years, they Citalopram has helped a bit, I don't feel like I'm constantly having a stroke, the propranolol was reducing the panic attacks but besides that I still had crippling anxiety and meltdowns. I'm in a waiting list for ASD diagnosis since my Dr can see that's a probable factor but until then it's just treaing the symptoms like anyone else.