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Are there some who are experienced with #autism on here? I've been in therapy for almost a year now and I have to take a specialized test. It certainly would explain many things in my life but I still kinda doubt it, because I do not have those typical things I associate with autism such as stimming or difficulties making friends. On the contrary, I am good in socializing when the context is clear, eg. conferences. I mean I do put on a show and I am exhausted after it for a few days...
Antonius Marie 
@pythno Hi! Autistic (diagnosed within the last five years) here. I, too, thought it normal to be exhausted after peopling. I'm quite social, I'm good at talking with people, and all those other things. I even have quite high empathy.
Are you sure you don't stim? How about tapping fingers, playing with pens, chewing at the inside of your cheek, tense-relax specific muscles, wiggle your toes inside your shoes, hum, suck teeth, cluck with your tongue, snapping fingers, cracking fingers, rolling your shoulders ... all of those can be used as stimming, not just what the stereotypes say.
@melindrea Wow. Interesting and thanks for sharing. I definitely do wiggle my toes! I always "snap" the big toe against the one next to it back and forth. Playing with pens is something I always do in class or on the phone. Especially on the phone. I would feel "empty" without it. But isn't that also something "normal" people do?? And I wonder why that wasn't diagnosed when I was young at routine checkups we have for children in Germany?
@pythno It's honestly only been rather recently that psych has started to recognise that autism is more than the stereotypes. I wasn't even on the charts, because I was vocal, smart, good at (subconsciously) doing eye contact.
I was 9 when I told my mom that I never smiled. I was always different from other kids too. I was hurt by things they weren't, and I didn't always react the way they expected (and they didn't react the way *I* expected).
Have you ever been in the situation that there's something you need to do--maybe even *want* to do--but you just ... can't? Or that you procrastinate and get overwhelmed easily. Maybe there's stuff that you "should" be able to to do, but it feels like you *literally can not*?
I recommend checking the hashtag #ActuallyAutistic and the group @actuallyautistic (the "actually" is in contrast to people who posit their expertise because they know someone who's autistic, not in contrast/opposition to people who are self-realised or just wondering and unsure)
@melindrea @actuallyautistic Thanks for sharing. Well, I resonate a lot with the *things I should be able to do* but just cannot. A teacher in highschool talked to my mom that it is odd because I am obviously not dumb as I would write elaborate essays in german class that were considered to be on a level above my age but then just completely fail at very simple tasks. Others would make fun of me why I am so *slow* and stuff. And I would get overwhelmed a lot, yes. From there it derailed and my
@melindrea @actuallyautistic highschool "career" was awful. I still have bad dreams about highschool. It was hell most of the time. lol.
@pythno @melindrea @actuallyautistic
An “uneven profile of abilities” is one of the characteristics of autism.
One of the best articles on this:
https://neuroclastic.com/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/
@nellie_m @pythno @melindrea @actuallyautistic Thanks for this. It's good to learn new things and as it turns out my understanding of autism wasn't understanding at all.
It's still difficult to understand, but I'm starting to get it a bit more. Here's to future understanding!
@Dale_Poole @nellie_m @pythno @actuallyautistic
There's often conversation about the fact that ... we don't know what an autist without trauma looks like. What autism would look like without the people-pleasing and masking box that many of us are pushed into.
And this is also core of the stereotypes of autism. "Everyone" knows that "real autists" are shut down, staring at a wall, rocking and hitting their heads into the wall. But that's not true. You know what type of autist does that? One that is *currently stressed out of their mind* and traumatised by it. We shut down (which is an internalised form, more or less, of a meltdown) because we have been overstimulated: too much noise, too bright lights, clothes that are itching, too many people ... And not allowed (or knowing how to) cope with this. Stimming helps us drain some of that stimulation, to hopefully have us *not* end up in that extreme stress that people claim is "just how real autists are".
@melindrea
It is not a coincidence at all that I didn't start thinking "could I be autistic?" until after I became a parent - up until that time I could mostly just avoid or leave overwhelming situations and choose comfort whenever possible (had a lot of privilege in my earlier life), and then suddenly I found out what happens when I literally cannot leave the source of the overstimulation 
@Dale_Poole @nellie_m @pythno @actuallyautistic
@3TomatoesShort @melindrea @Dale_Poole @nellie_m @pythno @actuallyautistic Same, I only realised I might be more than a bit ND after parenthood took a wrecking ball to the lifestyle I'd built for myself. It was only then I could see why I wasn't thriving like many others seemed to, my self-imposed boundaries were my safe place and my prison. I can thank my kids for that, though I could do without the panic attacks and meltdowns.