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We need more Tesla jokes — specifically about how dangerous they are.
Here’s the thing: all cars can catch fire, and all EV fires are especially hard to put out. But Teslas are •uniquely• dangerous:
Tesla cuts corners, and their “cheap luxury” engineering habits extend to safety. Recalls are endemic. Their safety record is…bad. There’s hints that their battery cooling system is sub-par. And it’s nearly impossible to escape a Tesla in an emergency unless (1) you’re in the front seat and (2) you’ve practiced using the emergency latch.
Poking around at public data, Cybertrucks ••burn people alive•• 57 times more often than normal cars. Not 57 percent. 57 ••times••. That’s…bonkers.
2/
57 times the normal rate. That’s 17x worse than even the Ford Pinto:
https://fuelarc.com/evs/its-official-the-cybertruck-is-more-explosive-than-the-ford-pinto/
Now for those of you who know the Ford Pinto, you know that the car bore the brunt of endless jokes. A comedian could always get a laugh based on the universally shared assumption that they’re terrible cars that catch fire.
That’s a kind of communication that can reach people who aren’t reading nerdy threads on Fedi. So:
3/
Do you want to hear my new recipe for barbecued chicken? It’s super easy!
1. Get a live chicken.
2. Put it in a Tesla.
…
You know, stuff like that.
4/
When jokes like that can get a laugh, Elon Musk is cooked. Like a Tesla.
/end
@inthehands What do you call an electric fire? A Tesla.
How does a Tesla owner get out of their car? As a piece of charcoal.
What do you call the steering wheel in a Tesla? Detached.
Tesla have featured more deaths than Total Recall. Which is what happens on a monthly basis when you buy one.
What do you call full self drive in a Tesla? A lie.
Why buy a coffin when you can buy a Tesla instead.
Why aren't Cybertrucks sold in Europe? Because they're shit.
@JonnyT @inthehands
"Why buy a coffin when you can buy a Tesla instead."
Have you heard that people are getting buried in their Teslas? Not because it's stipulated in their will, they just can't get them out of the fucking things.