"You've got a lot of time for abstract thought when you've got your hand stuck up a dead badger."

Terry Pratchett, Johnny and the Dead

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DROP THE SCYTHE, AND TURN AROUND SLOWLY.

Dirty Death
Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

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A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

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"I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out."

Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens

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Death isn't on line. If he was, there would be a sudden drop in the death rate. Although it'd be interesting to see if he'd post things like: DON'T YOU THINK I SOUND LIKE JAMES EARL JONES?

Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett

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Take One ticket to New Orleans Take One cab to Bourbon Street Take steps to the counter of the all night frozen dacquiri shop. Take One Large Cupful.

Terry's recipe for the Ultimate Banana Dacquiri
Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett

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The river Ankh is probably the only river in the universe on which the investigators can chalk the outline of the corpse.

Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

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In Ghat they believe in vampire watermelons, although folklore is silent about *what* they believe about vampire watermelons. Possibly they suck back.

Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum

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In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.

Schrodinger's Moggy explained
Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

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He microwaved himself something called a Pour-On Genuine Creole Lasagne, which said it served four portions. It did if you were dwarfs.

Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind

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Although the scythe isn't pre-eminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasants' revolt will know that in skilled hands it is fearsome.

Terry Pratchett, Mort

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He was aware that a wise man should always respect the folkways of others, to use Carrot's happy phrase, but Vimes often had difficulty with this idea. For one thing, there were people in the world whose folkways consisted of gutting other people like clams and this was not a procedure that commanded, in Vimes, any kind of respect at all.

Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

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It was hard enough to kill a vampire. You could stake them down and turn them into dust and ten years later someone drops a drop of blood in the wrong place and *guess who's back*? They returned more times than raw broccoli.

Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

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"Nulli Sheilae sanguineae"

Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent

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Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

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And there was nothing finer than a wizard dressed up formally, until someone could find a way of inflating a Bird of Paradise, possibly by using an elastic band and some kind of gas.

Terry Pratchett, Jingo

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Greebo could, in fact, commit sexual harrassment simply by sitting very quietly in the next room.

Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

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"Shut up and tell me what that other idiot ish doing!"
"No, but look, if I've got to shut up, how can I --" The knife at his throat became a hot streak of pain and Rincewind decided to give logic a miss.

Cohen the Barbarian interrogates Rincewind
Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic

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"You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage."

Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

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The Librarian had seen many weird things in his time, but that had to be the 57th strangest. [footnote: he had a tidy mind]

Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

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