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Albania - Shkodra Elektronike - Zjerm
Wouldn’t choose this, but it’s not bad. Probably more of a cultural thing than an actual dislike of the style. Argh. Now why do they have to ruin a perfectly OK song with this middle vocal? Don’t like the second half of the song either. Shame.
#Albania #eurovision

Armenia - Parg - Survivor
Somebody else with a story to tell. Partly unintelligible lyrics made me mentally switch off. Metal/rock isn’t my sort of music anyway. Oh wait, there’s the obligatory calm and sensitive bit in the middle. Not offensive, just yawn.
#Armenia #eurovision

Australia - Go-Jo - Milkshake Man
An amusing ditty – at least to start with, but it wears thin quickly. A minute in and I’ve had enough. Two minutes in and this song is now bottom of my list.
#Australia #eurovision

Austria - JJ - Wasted Love
Screechy whiny female vocal morphing into operatic with a hard dance beat. Strange. In front of the music, but somehow muted. No, sorry, can’t get over the whiny.
#Austria #eurovision

Azerbaijan - Mamagama - Run with U
Jamiroquai knock-off. Not a bad song, but I’ve heard similar before. Many times.
#Azerbaijan #eurovision

Belgium - Red Sebastian - Strobe Lights
The wrong voice for the song. Would have been better with a female rather than male vocal. Oh wait, he’s having a go. Good grief, that’s a high note. Quite like everything apart from the vocals.
#Belgium #eurovision

Croatia - Marko Bošnjak - Poison Cake
Another breathy young male vocal. Straight from Croatian X-Factor or similar. Bizarre lyrics (this is not necessarily a bad thing), but I can’t work out what the song’s about. And you know what? I can’t be bothered thinking about it any more – it’s not worth it.
#Croatia #eurovision

Cyprus - Theo Evan - Shh
Trying to copy Bambie Thug. Failing miserably. There are a few good bits in there (the dance breaks), but nowhere near enough to redeem itself. Having said that, I’d listen to this again, so it can’t be that bad.
#Cyprus #eurovision

Czechia - Adonxs - Kiss Kiss Goodbye
Inoffensive. There’s something about it that makes me want to listen again. I suspect that when I do I’ll other love it or hate it. No, scratch that. I’ve lost interest. I don’t love it or hate it. I tolerate it. Shame, it could have been much more.
#Czechia #eurovision

Denmark - Sissal - Hallucination
Takes a bit to get going. And then you realise that it hasn’t got going. It’s edging towards something good, but it takes over half the song to get there and manages to leave you still wanting it to be better. Could do without the vibrato.
#Denmark #eurovision

Estonia - Tommy Cash - Espresso Macchiato
Oh dear. Got to wonder why they thought this was worth entering. Has a beat, but sounds doleful. Needs a caffeine fix to perk it up.
#Estonia #eurovision

Finland - Erika Vikman - Ich komme - Finnish
Not sure what this is trying to be. A real mish-mash of styles and reminds me a lot of Croatia’s 2023 entry (Let 3, Mama ŠČ!) crossed with… argh, my mind’s gone blank. I am thankful that this song is completely forgettable.
#Finland #eurovision

France - Louane - Maman
Husky French voice. That’s a plus to start with. Bumbles around for the first couple of minutes before finding its direction. Not bad.
#France #eurovision

Georgia - Mariam Shengelia - Freedom
Another husky vocal. A bit weird and feels like the soundtrack of a horror film. Or is it a love story. Either way it’s a no from me.
#Georgia #eurovision

Germany - Abor & Tynna - Baller
Starts as it means to go on. Doesn’t try to be all things to all people. Grabs you. Quite like this. Plus I have a soft spot for German.
#Germany #eurovision

Greece - Klavdia - Asteromata
Starts with vocals up front with a beaty tuney thing behind it. Sadly the vocals continue and the music changes to something more generic to catch up. This does absolutely nothing for me and I’ve just caught myself looking at the keyboard thinking I need to clean it out. Right down there at the bottom.
#Greece #eurovision

Iceland - Væb - Róa
Nothing special. Like a lot of others, a mix of fast/slow/quiet/loud – in other words, typical Eurovision fodder. Certainly doesn’t grab me.
#Iceland #eurovision

Ireland - Emmy - Laika Party
Intelligible lyrics and a catchy tune. Weird. Love it.
#Ireland #eurovision

Israel - Yuval Raphael - New Day Will Rise
Delicately sung. Singer sounds talented which makes a nice change. Would have liked it to be all in the same language (I don’t mind, pick one). I like this. It’s not going to win though.
#Israel #eurovision

Italy - Lucio Corsi - Volevo essere un duro
Quite like this – getting Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young vibes. Inoffensive. Not a winner, but it’s definitely a left hand side of the board song.
#Italy #eurovision

Latvia - Tautumeitas - Bur man laimi
Think 1960s. Think 5th Dimension singing “Aquarius”. Add a beat and a wall of sound and that’s all you need to know. Surprisingly, I don’t dislike this.
#Latvia #eurovision

Luxembourg - Laura Thorn - La poupée monte le son
Wait, have we travelled back to the 1960s? I’m sure I saw this song on an old black and white clip on YouTube. La la la la na ya. Great lyrics. Not. Getting very strong “Puppet on a string” vibes. And just to prove me wrong, two minutes in and it changes style. Why? For goodness sakes, this is so much better. Not for me.
#Luxembourg #eurovision

Malta¬Miriana Conte - Serving - English
No. Just no. Another derivative Beyoncé-esque performance exactly the same as pretty much every other Beyoncé wannabe we’ve seen in Eurovision. You’ve heard it before. (not surprised the lyrics have been changed)
#Malta #eurovision

Montenegro - Nina Žižić - Dobrodošli
Ominous music behind a breathy vocal that reminds me of somebody with years of a 40 a day habit. Oooh, she’s turned into Bonnie Tyler now. For some strange reason this left me angry. Tired and angry.
#Montenegro #eurovision

Netherlands - Claude - C'est la vie
Bidding for the French vote with a mix of French/English lyrics. Has a beat but sounds doleful with a phoned in performance. The usual quiet/loud/slow/fast Eurovision fodder. Move along, nothing to see here.
#Netherlands #eurovision

Norway - Kyle Alessandro - Lighter
Argh. This song is a great example of my Eurovision nightmare – young man trying on a medley of styles and genres to see what fits and not succeeding at any of them. Really, Norway? Really? The only song I desperately want to click “Next” on when it’s only half way through.
#Norway #eurovision

Poland - Justyna Steczkowska - Gaja
She sounds unhappy. It’s as though somebody dragged her out of bed, gave her a microphone and told her to get on with it. Half-hearted, uninspiring and unintelligible. Another song that could be good with somebody else doing the vocals.
#Poland #eurovision

Portugal - Napa - Deslocado
Takes a while to step beyond bland. Another mix of styles. Definitely gets better. Chop the first minute.
#Portugal #eurovision

San Marino - Gabry Ponte - Tutta l'Italia
Hmm. Doleful and lacking any personality. Waiting for it to end seems to last a lifetime.
#SanMarino #eurovision

Serbia - Princ - Mila
This song is so bland I’d switched off. I was almost two minutes in before I remembered I was meant to be writing up my thoughts. This bilge stupefied my brain.
#Serbia #eurovision

Slovenia - Klemen - How Much Time Do We Have Left
Melancholic and wistful. Oh, and awful, depressing and repetitive. How much time do we have left? Thankfully no more than three minutes.
#Slovenia #eurovision

Spain - Melody - Esa diva
Made me smile and I wasn’t expecting that. Good beat gets toes tapping. Surprisingly, I like this.
#Spain #eurovision

Sweden - KAJ - Bara bada bastu
Slow to get started, but OK when it gets going. Not going to win.
#Sweden #eurovision

 Switzerland - Zoë Më - Voyage
OK. For the first 45 seconds I was struggling to think of what to write – it was.. just.. bland. Then it turned into a peaceful and inoffensive melody. Certainly better than some others but clearly designed not to win. Thinking about this again, “bland” is definitely the word.
#Switzerland #eurovision

Ukraine - Ziferblat - Bird of Pray
The way this starts, it’s very much a Disney song. Something from The Lion King or similar. Then.. well.. nothing really happens. I’m left waiting for it to get into its groove, but it never does.
#Ukraine #eurovision

United Kingdom - Remember Monday - What the Hell Just Happened?
The only song on the list that I’ve heard before and it’s not bad. Not great, but better than most of its competitors. I’d put it towards the top of the left hand side.
#UnitedKingdom #eurovision

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That's it. Apologies to anybody who isn't remotely interested and hadn't blocked the hashtag #eurovision