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Dudes of the world: I have a challenge for you. This one’s real simple, but like most simple-but-important things, actually DOING it is shockingly hard.
Ready? Okay, here we go.
When women tell you a situation isn’t safe for them, just believe them. Take it at face value. No questions, no negotiating.
That’s it! Off you go. And #boost this on your way.
@Willow Umm. What do I do when a woman tells me that she isn't safe in a public restroom that trans women are allowed to use? I do believe (as a cis het male) that trans people should be able to use the restroom they identify with, but I know that some cis women aren't comfortable with that.
@tokensane You say, “Trans women are women.”
@Willow @tokensane There is no observable distinction to the bigot who says this. She can't tell the "trans woman" she says she's scared of isn't cis but just different than other cis women she's seen. "Trans" is a category that only exists by virtue of assigned gender at birth, not something you can read without knowing that about a person.
@Willow @tokensane Anyway, back to OP's point:
If someone tells me they're afraid to go to the bathroom because they think another person who went in is trans, I don't have to push them to go. I can just make a mental note that they're TERF shit and say "ok sure hold it til later". 
Point out that the party most at risk in that scenario is NOT likely to be the cis-woman.
@tokensane @Willow
Self-awareness isn’t for everyone, I suppose.
@justanotheramy Tbf, I think posts explicitly aimed as "advice for dudes" are exceptions, where replyguy-esque questions should be allowed. (Provided they haven't been said before, anyway.)
@tokensane @wizzwizz4
Do you think bad faith gets an exception?
@justanotheramy @tokensane No, but I don't see bad faith here. (If you do, I would not mind an explanation of what you're seeing, but I do not require one. If you wish to provide an explanation and then end the conversation there, please say so.)
@wizzwizz4 @tokensane
In the context of conversations about women’s safety, asking trans women “but whatabout the bathrooms” is a whole trope.
It’s entirely possible that this instance is down to a complete lack of empathy rather than bad faith, sure.
But absent other info it’s a red flag.
@justanotheramy @tokensane Could also be someone who genuinely needs to hear the original advice, trying to ask a trans woman when and under what circumstances he's supposed to advocate for (what he sees as) the interests of members of a category that she's in and he's not, when his current strategy contradicts with the instruction he's just been given.
Each individual part of this explanation is best-practice: seeing how it adds up to a should-know-better reply comes from experience & effort.
@justanotheramy I guess there's a point where empathy is so misplaced / miscalibrated that it ceases to really be empathy, though, so maybe that's covered under your existing explanation.
@tokensane In case you / anyone else needs to hear it: allowing conversations to be steered towards debating the basic rights of marginalised people, as though it's up for debate, is not good allyship. Fight rhetoric with rhetoric, and don't let the political climate define what you allow to be politicised.
@wizzwizz4 @tokensane
This is indeed covered by my failure of empathy point.
I thought it was pretty well established by now that it was poor form to go around asking marginalised people to do emotional and intellectual labour just because one couldn’t be arsed educating oneself?
This isn’t a new topic, and resources exist.
@justanotheramy It's also pretty well-established that.you believe people who tell you a situation's not safe for them.
Ah, but posting a public reminder (a gift of knowledge) is very different to initiating one-on-one tutoring as an unsolicited student.
Related: if I had bothered to think this through for a couple more hours, I probably could've written both sides of this conversation. @tokensane, I can see at least three more problems with your post: can you identify them on your own?
@wizzwizz4 @tokensane
That it’s pretty well-established that you believe people who tell you a situation's not safe for them makes the original post a pointed commentary on the manifest fact that people still need to be told, as much as it is straightforward instruction, and I don’t entirely believe it requires PhD level qualitative analysis skills to unpack that.
@wizzwizz4 @tokensane
That I’ve had to spend the initial time with @tokensane and now this time with you as fallout is a perfect example of why enabling reply guy bullshit is in nobody’s interests — I *know* I have better things to do, and I’d be surprised if you didn’t also have better things to do than handhold some rando.
@wizzwizz4 As @justanotheramy says, nobody owes me an education. I asked my question and I've had some answers. I won't engage further with them because that would definitely be sealioning, but this thread has been informative. Thanks for your time.